just enough light

Many years ago I read a sermon by Ernest Campbell titled, “Locked in a room with open doors.” I remember it being a good sermon, though I don’t recall specifics. However, the title stuck. Numerous times since I first read it, I have found myself realizing, “Here I am. I’m locked in this room with open doors.”

Minor example. I wrote several days ago about cracks in the ceiling and the process of patching them. Well, the work goes on. The scraping, screwing, taping, mudding, and smoothing are all done. What remains is the texture. I’m trying to match what is on the rest of the ceiling. Well, I’ve textured, but it does not match. Bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this.

On any job that challenges my skills, I have three criteria for a finished product: Perfect, good enough, and “Oh no, you’re not going to leave it like that, are you?” I thought I was at the “good enough” last night, but upon further inspection, I am still at the “Oh no” stage. That means I have to do a lot more sanding until I’m back to the smooth level, and then try again with another technique for texture. That’s hours of sanding over my head, one of the worst jobs in the world.

I’m trapped in this project until I am able to get to “Good enough” or I’m willing to walk away and settle for “Oh no.” I am locked in this room with open doors. It’s my choice to remain locked in.

Life is like that on a small, daily scale, such as this project. Life is also like that on the big scale, like well, almost everything. Marriage and parenting are decisions to lock yourself in a room with open doors. Your life’s work, the place you live, the friends you have, all these are choices to enter a room and not leave even though the option exists.

Most of these big ones I choose not to see as choices. I don’t wake every day and decide to stay married for another day. I don’t decide to continue to live in this house in Abilene every morning. As a psychologist, I got up five mornings each week without thinking whether or not I would go to work. I just did it.

The choice about staying in the room with open doors is the choice of how to do those things. It is the decision to be there on purpose. I rarely shoot for “Perfect.” Over the years I learned that “Good enough” was good enough in most cases. If I get to the “Oh no” stage, I have to consider what I need to do differently.

For today I am going to be in my many rooms with open doors on purpose. I am writing this morning on purpose, even though I didn’t really want to at first. And later I’m going to sand the hell out of the ceiling until I get to “good enough.”