stop signYesterday, sitting in my car behind another car at an intersection stop sign, I noted a familiar pattern. The driver in front of me was making a right turn onto a street that had two lanes going each direction. The traffic was patchy with cars crossing every few seconds. At the first break in the traffic, I said aloud, “You can go now,” as if the driver in front of me could hear my instructions. No movement. Another few cars passed, then another break. “You can go now!” I blurted a little louder. No movement. This went on for a few more traffic breaks. The driver was obviously waiting for both lanes to be clear for at least a half mile! That was my assessment as my impatience grew.

I am not an irritable driver, but I am an irritable waiter when driving. I hate sitting behind someone at an intersection, someone who does not make the turn when I would, which is often hastier than I should.

That is one of those moments when I am driven by a “should.” You should go now! You should be able to assess the situation the same way I do and then act the same way I would, which is to act as if I have a person bleeding to death in my back seat and I’m on my way to the ER. Yet, honestly, I am rarely in a hurry to get somewhere, which makes my irritation all the more unnecessary.

“Shoulds” and “oughts” cause me a lot of misery. It was the source of a lot of misery for the clients I worked with in therapy, so I learned a lot from them. I suspect those words drive a lot of the misery for most of us. When I assume something should be other than it is, I am no longer living in the moment as it is. I am willfully stepping outside the present moment and creating something else, and that something else causes me distress.

I think Lent is about finding ways to stop creating “should” moments, and instead staying in the moment that is right here. More about this later.