I agree with Richard Rohr, one of my favorite theologians, who wrote, “Christians are usually sincere and well-intentioned people until you get to any real issues of ego, control, power, money, pleasure, and security. Then the tend to be pretty much like everybody else.”

Ouch. I think he’s talking about me. I consider myself a good person, a Christian of strong conviction. I have my beliefs in order, complete with thoughtful questions and reasonable doubts. My well-rehearsed, day-to-day self operates pretty effectively and comfortably in the nation whose motto is “In God we Trust.”

defensiveBut don’t push me, don’t catch me in a contradiction, don’t embarrass me, don’t threaten to take something I love away from me, and definitely don’t put me in a situation where I feel out of control. Then I become just as fearful, petty, retaliatory, and self-protective as any person who has no regard for the Gospel.

Recognizing how frail, insecure, scared, and petty I am when my guard is down is absolutely necessary during this Lenten season. I know deep down that this is the only pathway to experiencing grace. But who wants to go there?

Not I.