just enough light

One of the many lessons I learned from that experience at Homer Lake (the previous post), and many experiences since then, is the importance of letting go of outcomes.

Did I make the right choice from that long day at the lake? Who knows. I’m still living with that decision that keeps unfolding each day. One of the ways I deceive myself (and don’t we all) is by assuming I can predict how something will turn out. The certainty of my decision is based on how much I think I can trust my prediction of outcome.

My life is a continual unfolding of all the decisions I have made to this point. There is no conclusion. There is only process that demands that I continue to make decisions as I go. To wish I had done something different in the past is a waste of time. A decision one way or the other could have been disastrous or wonderful. The fact is, each decision has its own blend of disaster and wonder.

I’m sure I have shortened my life by spending hours, days, weeks worrying about the outcome of my decisions. I did not take the words of Jesus seriously when he said, “Do not be anxious about tomorrow…” He was not discouraging us from making plans, setting goals, saving for the future, or any of those other things. At this time in my life, his meaning is, “Quit wasting your time trying to control what you cannot control. Stop fooling yourself into believing you can anticipate every possibility and thereby make the ‘right’ choice. Tomorrow will unfold as it unfolds.”

Being still, getting focused, listening beneath the chatter helps me remember this. I make the decision. I want it to be my best guess about what will best for all involved. But there is no conclusion. There is only life that continues to unfold from that decision, yielding countless more decisions and possibilities.

It is my job to take it one step at a time with whatever light is available to me.