just enough light

Jeannie slumped forward in her chair, her forearms on her knees, her eyes fixed on the few square feet of carpet between her shoes and mine.  She had been away for the weekend and had driven through the early morning hours to get back to campus for a 9:00 class with mandatory attendance. When she […]

Our culture gives so little permission to grieve.  Except in the confines of a visitation or funeral, most of us feel little permission to express our grief in public places or with people other than our closest friends.  Yet the feelings that accompany significant loss come when they come, often during “inconvenient” times.  The university […]

“It was so helpful to be in a group where people weren’t in a hurry for me to get better.” “What a relief to have this time each week when I didn’t feel like I needed to get over it.” These were the two most frequent responses when I asked students to talk about what […]

Grief can make you feel crazy.  Grief is disorienting.  What was once normal is no longer normal.  Feelings bubble up that shock you.  Thoughts arise that alarm you.  Behaviors seem to belong to someone else. I met with a group of college students who had gathered after the sudden and tragic death of a friend.  […]

I have done the “Time Line” activity many times and I have led many groups in the activity, but I am still amazed at what new discoveries are unearthed each time through it.  The activity is simple. 1.  Draw a line on a piece of paper, from one side of the paper to the other.  […]

As I stood silently, my candle in hand, I looked around at the faces of about a hundred twenty-somethings at the candlelight vigil. The evening air was heavy with sadness as they gathered to commemorate the life and death of their friend.  Her death was tragic.  She was pulled from a house fire too late.  […]

I was always nervous as I prepared to meet with more than 100 university students, leaders of the campus fraternities and sororities.  The topic was “Helping students through grief.”  On a large campus with an active Greek system, it was not unusual for someone in the house to experience the death of a parent, sibling, […]

In William Manchester’s novel, So Long, See You Tomorrow, the main character makes the observation, “When my father was getting along in years, and the past began to figure more in his conversation, I asked him one day what my mother was like.  I knew what she was like as my mother but I thought […]

Have you ever been overwhelmed with too many options?  How about too many GOOD options?  I’m the kind of person who likes to consider as many possibilities as possible before a decision, and it doesn’t help me if the options are all favorable.  I frequently get overwhelmed with such decisions.  Even if it’s a relatively […]

If you haven’t read “Just enough light” yet, take a minute and do that. Arriving at the cottage after dark is always an adventure, particularly if I have forgotten to bring along a flashlight.  Without one, I shuffle carefully toward the cottage, mindful of but blind to the many roots, rocks, and bumps that lie […]