just enough light

I’m writing this on Father’s Day.  I just spent a week with my two young adult children, ages 29 and 22, who live in Illinois. I am now visiting my 85 year-old father. I am experiencing multigenerational paternal whiplash. I think my father was able to semi-retire from fatherhood within a few months of his […]

A genuine apology seems a rarity these days.  There’s plenty of poor behavior and opportunities for apologies, but few seem to come.  A middle school girls’ softball practice a few years ago provided a lesson in apology I won’t forget.  I was one of two dads willing to help out as assistant coaches.  While putting […]

Jeannie slumped forward in her chair, her forearms on her knees, her eyes fixed on the few square feet of carpet between her shoes and mine.  She had been away for the weekend and had driven through the early morning hours to get back to campus for a 9:00 class with mandatory attendance. When she […]

Our culture gives so little permission to grieve.  Except in the confines of a visitation or funeral, most of us feel little permission to express our grief in public places or with people other than our closest friends.  Yet the feelings that accompany significant loss come when they come, often during “inconvenient” times.  The university […]

“It was so helpful to be in a group where people weren’t in a hurry for me to get better.” “What a relief to have this time each week when I didn’t feel like I needed to get over it.” These were the two most frequent responses when I asked students to talk about what […]

Grief can make you feel crazy.  Grief is disorienting.  What was once normal is no longer normal.  Feelings bubble up that shock you.  Thoughts arise that alarm you.  Behaviors seem to belong to someone else. I met with a group of college students who had gathered after the sudden and tragic death of a friend.  […]

I have done the “Time Line” activity many times and I have led many groups in the activity, but I am still amazed at what new discoveries are unearthed each time through it.  The activity is simple. 1.  Draw a line on a piece of paper, from one side of the paper to the other.  […]

As I stood silently, my candle in hand, I looked around at the faces of about a hundred twenty-somethings at the candlelight vigil. The evening air was heavy with sadness as they gathered to commemorate the life and death of their friend.  Her death was tragic.  She was pulled from a house fire too late.  […]

I was always nervous as I prepared to meet with more than 100 university students, leaders of the campus fraternities and sororities.  The topic was “Helping students through grief.”  On a large campus with an active Greek system, it was not unusual for someone in the house to experience the death of a parent, sibling, […]

In William Manchester’s novel, So Long, See You Tomorrow, the main character makes the observation, “When my father was getting along in years, and the past began to figure more in his conversation, I asked him one day what my mother was like.  I knew what she was like as my mother but I thought […]