just enough light

Letting go of the outcome is a lesson I have to relearn at every turn. It’s one thing to have the concept. It’s quite another thing to put it into action. Isn’t that the way life is? Most of our important lessons are learned once, but the implementation is a challenge with every new decision. Three stories.

Story One:

Just this morning, as I sat in the coffee shop preparing this article, a good friend came in to pick up a coffee on his way to work. He is a professor of history. He is usually wearing jeans (or casual khakis on a dressy day) and a casual shirt open at the collar. He looks like he might be taking a walk on the beach rather than going to his office. Today he showed up with sport coat, tie, slacks, the works. He was interviewing for an administrative position in his department and decided that today (and today only) he would dress the part.

He only had a few minutes, but in that time, we got to the idea of process versus outcome. The outcome was in the hands of the committee. For all he knew, he already had the job or he had no chance. That was out of his control. What he did have some control over was how he approached the interview, how he prepared for it, how he conducted himself. He would also be responsible for his response to the committee’s decision, but we didn’t go there.

He said, “I’m sure they are going to ask the normal questions like, ‘What is your vision for the department.’”

I responded, “You never know if they really want your ‘vision’ or if they want some honest answer like, ‘I’m going to try not to screw up for the first year while I get a better picture of what’s needed.’”

“Exactly,” he responded.

His energy needed to be on the process, making his best guess of how that might influence the outcome. The outcome was either already determined, or it would be a function of the interview (process).

Story Two

“I’m afraid I’m going to fail the course.” That was the presenting concern for hundreds of university students who came to my office over the years. This particular complaint was prevalent the week before final exams. After a few questions, the student usually admitted they had not put in the time and effort during the semester, and now they were so anxious about failing, they were spending more time worrying than studying.

They had not put the necessary time and attention on the process, those important steps along the way. Suddenly they were obsessed about the outcome. They acted as if the process and the outcome were separate entities, when in fact, the outcome is generally a function of the process, not independent from it. We cannot control the outcome. We can control the time and effort we invest along the way.

Story Three

I am relearning those same lessons in a new venue, my handyman work. Recently, while doing a bathroom remodel, I had to remind myself in the midst of a mild meltdown, that my only job at that moment was to focus on the task in front of me. It was part of the plumbing that was not going well. I had to get it done, and done right, before I could move on to the next phase.

This work is still new enough to me that it’s easy to get panicky when things don’t go right. I can mentally spiral out of control and imagine all kinds of disasters. That’s when I have to talk myself off the ledge and focus on the task immediately in front of me. The final outcome, a beautiful remodeled bathroom, will only happen when I focus on doing each task (the process) well. And occasionally I call for help when I’m in over my head. That too is an important part of the process.

OK, those are tangible examples of process versus outcome. Where this gets more intense and confusing for me is when “God’s will” or “God’s leadership” gets mixed in. It also gets intense and confusing when it comes to decisions as a parent. My next article will begin there.