For me, gratitude and grief often go together. This morning provided me with an example. As I engaged in my morning time of reading and writing, a sporadic activity I loosely call “a discipline,” the reading admonished me to “assume my creativity is of critical importance.” Only with that assumption will I take it seriously enough to set aside time for writing.

IMG_0818As I read that, I spontaneously said, Thank you, mom.”

She was the primary nurturer of my creativity throughout my childhood; drawing, painting, music, and writing. Few people in my life are more deserving of my gratitude than she is. And yet, one of my greatest sources of grief is my failure to sufficiently express my appreciation of her while she was alive. I failed to truly appreciate her enormous talent that got lost in her duties as mother and pastor’s wife. I did not sufficiently express my gratitude for her commitment to the task not only of raising her sons and keeping us from growing up to be savages, but also encouraging our development of intellect and creativity.

My task is to use that awareness to focus my gratitude on those still able to receive it. My task is also to grieve and be genuinely grateful for what I’ve lost and left undone. The grief is a sign that what I’ve lost was good, what I’ve left undone is important. We don’t grieve over the unimportant. We don’t miss those events or people who had no impact. My grief is a signal that I am a fortunate person, blessed with people who made a difference.

Some of those people made a difference by lifting me up when I was down. Some pointed the way when I was lost. Some challenged me when I was arrogant or oblivious. I want to have fewer regrets about not noticing or expressing my gratitude.