computer anxietyI hated feeling out of control two days ago. My dad’s computer was invaded by a small army of hackers (literally 101 foreign IP addresses were identified), resulting in flashing warning signals on the screen and an industrial-sounding signal blaring from the speakers. I had no choice but to call the number on the screen, because the computer was completely unresponsive to anything else. Then, for two hours I sat in front of the screen either doing what Sam, the Microsoft diagnostician, told me to do, none of which I understood, or watching him control the actions of the computer. I was nervous, confused, my heart was racing, and I was imagining all kinds of worst-case scenarios. By the end, even when I was back home in my recliner, I was nervous.

There are many ways of feeling out of control. There’s the roller coaster experience when you know you are moving fast, plunging from great heights, taking turns way too fast, and all you can do is trust that the engineers knew what they were doing when they constructed the thing. You also trust that the thousands of previous rides are good predictions of your turn. That kind of out of control can be exhilarating, though terrifying.

This computer incident was no such experience. I had no way of knowing how this would turn out. I also knew that having a computer hacked had frightening implications if it could not be remedied. All I could do was trust Sam. Fortunately, Sam was trustworthy, at least so far. He knew what he was doing. He was calm, informative, and seemed to go out of his way to not make me feel stupid.

This experience reminds me that we are almost always out of control. The difference with the computer incident was that I knew it. Most of the time I do not recognize that most of the things going on around me are completely out of my control. When I drive, for example, I trust that other drivers are paying attention and abiding by the rules. Yet, just this week, someone who decided for just a few seconds to ignore the rules of safety caused an accident, killing a loved and respected person in our community who was out driving with his family.

Think of all the events going on around you, in your immediate proximity and further away. Think of all the systems at work behind the scenes even in your own house. A recent week-long freeze here in Texas reminded most of us that something as common as water and electricity is outside of our control.

That’s been my Lenten thought the past few days, and particularly during this computer problem. I want to pay attention to those things are that are beyond my control, not so I can worry about them, but so I can focus on those things that are within my orbit of influence. “Consider the lilies…” “Take no thought for tomorrow…but seek first…”