In my reading this morning, Natalie Goldberg reflects on her life after the death of her teacher with whom she had studied for years. She described her-face to-face meetings with him, “I had friends, acquaintances I interacted with, and we sat facing each other across luncheon tables, but this was a man whose life work was to arrive in the present. The effect was stunning.”

I thought of how many times I showed up for client sessions with my mind full of other things. Deadlines imposed from the meeting earlier that morning, unwritten case notes in my desk drawer from previous clients, yesterday’s conflict with a colleague, worries about my kids’ grades at school, not to mention my confusion or concern about the person sitting across from me. I wasn’t all there. Sometimes I was barely there.

I did not arrive in the present. Sometimes I was in the past, gnawing on something that had happened. Sometimes I was racing ahead to some future worry or deadline.

When I truly showed up, when I arrived in the present moment, the different was stunning. Those were the sessions when I had a beginner’s mind. I was full of curiosity without judgment.

The idea of being without judgment is a scary idea for many. It sounds like we give up on what is important to us. Suspending judgment, however, is not about giving up what is important to us.

In the class I taught at the university, we spent a couple of sessions focused on what it means to be nonjudgmental in our role as a helper. Questions such as, “How can you work with someone who has done something you find abhorrent?” “How do you work with someone who is engaging in something that you think is sinful/unhealthy/wrong?”

These are important questions!

Being nonjudgmental does not mean we forget what we know or what we believe is good and right and healthy. It does mean we are willing to look past the other person’s behavior and look past our own prejudices (prejudgments) and adopt a truly curious and compassionate spirit. When I do that, I can see the person more clearly. If I show up in the present moment and look with clear eyes, I can see the other person, not their behavior. I then discover that the other person has many of the same needs and fears I have.

Whenever I read about Jesus’ encounters with “the least of these,” I see this approach. I can’t do this most of the time, and I am surrounded by a culture that promotes judgment rather than compassion. But it is my job to be still, to show up in the present moment, and to see the other person, who is far more like me than different from me.

This week I plan to write about Unlearning. Most of us have much to unlearn, beginning with our judgments.